Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
