Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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