Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize