The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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