He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
