no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
