It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
