Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
