tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize