Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
