nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
