Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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