Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
