If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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