dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
