Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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