I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
