he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize