Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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