I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
