i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
