I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
