My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
