Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
