It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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