Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
