I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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