Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
