Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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