Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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