flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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