like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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