i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
