sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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