I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
