Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
