how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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