You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
