just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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