We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
