I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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