Cold hands, warm shart.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
