one might say we're banned from that church
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
