just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
