Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
