Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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