Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
