No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
