Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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