i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
