It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
