Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
