i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
