Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
