i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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