come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
