Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
