Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
