she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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