A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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