i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
