He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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