my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
