if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize