just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I look better un-naked...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
