I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I am morally bankrupt
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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