some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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