I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we're making bets on your personal life
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
