don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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