This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
