How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
