I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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