your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
We got so high we made milksteak
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
